The 5 Myths of Midlife
Your midlife is very different from the one your parents or grandparents experienced.
Modern-day lifestyles, life expectancies, social and personal expectations have changed dramatically over the years.
Baby Boomers and Gen x-ers live in a different world with a totally different mindset from previous generations.
Life-expectancy, lifestyles, social and personal expectations are all very different for our generation.
Technology, improved medical care, higher education and work opportunities have influenced how middle-age hits us.
In my mother’s generation, only 9% of women completed a four-year college course.
Nowadays it is 36%. Then, only 40% were employed as opposed to 70% now and, the average age to get married was a very low 21. We are just not those people anymore.
All of these societal differences make a significant impact on how we enter our 50’s.
Times may have changed but, very often, our expectations have not.
The fact that we learn many of our core values and beliefs from our parents, it’s not surprising that there are so many myths and misconceptions.
Let’s take a look at the main 5 midlife myths.
5-You will have your S*** together!
The idea of having our s*** together has different connections for everyone, but the overall sentiment is the same. The idea of being happy, fulfilled and with life just ‘falling into place’, is something we all strive for.believe will happen before reaching 50.
‘I thought I would have my __________ sorted.
Please insert your word of choice, finances, career, love life, family life…the list goes on.
What was it about the age of 50 that made us think everything would fall magically into place and that we would be so together by then, so grown up!Most of us were still learning the rules of life, and then in an instant, midlife scraps that book and gives us a new set of rules to learn.
No wonder it can feel like a crisis.
Hormones, work, family and evolving core values, have put you on a new stage but hasn’t given you the script.
Most women are having to juggle high-pressure jobs, teenagers and very often, elderly parents too. Many of them have all three generations under one roof. How can you possibly have your s*** together when you are so busy sorting out everyone else’s?
Even your friendships can change dramatically in your 50’s. Your best friend is no longer so available for drinks or a chat because she is also becoming aware that she doesn’t have her s*** sorted either!
As her life takes it’s new ‘post 50’ course, it can feel like a painful breakup.
4-It's all downhill from here.
‘I will feel old, look old and be ready for the garbage heap!’
‘Over the hill’, is a term that has been carelessly thrown about for many years.
If being 50 means, past one’s prime the what are the expectations?
- Sitting on the rocker on the front porch with your granny run over your knees?
- Grey hair, meaning you have given up and ‘let yourself go’?
- Aching bones killing any form of fun or exercise?
- Happiness and purpose spiralling downhill?
Reaching 50 doesn’t mean you can’t rock your world anymore. Look at some athletes in their midlives; they are awesome!
Crossfitters inspire me the most. They are absolute beasts, right into their 70’s or even older.
You are also finally on the upswing of your happiness curve. Getting out of the doldrums is now a given!
Ample studies on the “happiness curve”debunks many long-standing beliefs about ageing and happiness and shows that contrary to being over the hill, people over 50 are generally happier than they were during their 30s and 40s.”
So all that mental anguish you had in your 30’s and 40’s is about to vanish as you age.
Wow, that’s got to the best news yet!
What about the grey hairs that grow like stubborn weeds and multiply like fruit flies in the sun?
Grey hair used to be a definite no-no, but not anymore. The rise of the ‘silver fox’ is mainstream media fodder now. It may not have hit the corporate world yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
3- You will buy that camper van and drive off into the sunset!
From the countless women I have worked with, spoken with and researched, this was is the most popular midlife dream.
Strangely enough, the highest fear was becoming destitute and living under a bridge!
We are just too young to drift off into the sunset and disappear from life!
It’s quite a romantic notion and one I had considered myself.
For most of the women, I have spoken with, this long sought after dream is a complete impossibility. Don’t forget you do not you have got your s*** together yet!
Kids are flying the coop later than ever, elderly parents need your attention, and your work and financial situation just won’t let you get.
All of this means that your vehicle to freedom will just have to sit there a while longer.
Keep your wilderness and rambler dreams, just marinate them for a few more years. Imagine how tasty they will be by then.
2-That midlife is the middle of your life.
Midlife is generally thought of as the middle point of a person life and is generally considered to start at aged 50.
If this is the case, we are assuming everyone is living to be 100.
I’m good with that, I expect to live to 100.
We have great old age genes in my family. My parents and all my grandparent’s lived to a ripe old age!
In reality, midlife is a description used the describe the midpoint of your adult life.
The frontal and rational part of your brain; in other words, your adult brain, isn’t fully formed until you are 25. In my opinion, that means you become an adult at 25. We may have believed we were adults before that, but until you can rationalise, then I would suggest we were not.
Still, we can take it from 21 if you wish.
This means we have only been adults for around 25 years or so. Now, we have already agreed that we are all going to live to be 100 so we have another 50 years to go.
Hardly the midway point then, right?
This is a significant mindset shift to have. Suddenly instead of 50 being the start of the end, it is the start of a new chapter, but you still have at least 2 more blockbuster length ones to go. Good news, right?
Can you imagine the decisions you made 25 years ago feeling like they were pointless as it may be too late to do them? No way, so why feel that now? You are in your prime, you have a wealth of knowledge and experience to call upon.
The decision making part of your brain is at its optimum right now, and you are not overly led by knee-jerk emotional responses. Your brain is still capable of making new neurones, so your choices can finally be the right ones for you and not based on other people’s expectations.
Yes, that’s right, you can finally put your needs first! Your kids might still be at home, but they are old enough to look after themselves and even help with granny!
Midlife Myth number 1--There is no such thing as a midlife crisis.
This is the biggest myth of all!
Countless women have a midlife crisis, and so they should. A crisis is just another word for a turning point, and 50 is most definitely that.
Just think about it, you have admitted that you don’t have your s*** together, you are about to get a lot happier, your decision making brain is primed and ready to go, and you’ve put the rocking chair and Winnebago brochure away for a later date, of course it’s a turning point!
Now is the moment to take stock and look at what you have accomplished. Has it has made you happy, is it enough and is it’s still right for you?
Now is the time to examine your past script and see how much of it was actually written for you or by you. Society, your family and your even friends will have written a large part of it for their needs. It is now time to write a new one. Write one that fits you, your core values, your identity and your talents.
Take your midlife crisis, confront it, embrace it, turn into a point of departure, and make it your friend!
